Well we finally got the call from the social worker, who was VERY nice. She answered all my unique questions, and explained the basic process... once the application is received and processed, the background check will take about a week. Then we will schedule a pre-MAP home visit, where they come and check the physical safety of the home. The next step is the MAP classes, which are 8 parenting classes. (Small downside is that there's no classes scheduled during the summer.) Then there's the home study - an intense family visit that delves into our home and ourselves. After that, we're considered licensed pre-adoptive parents, and the matching process begins.
On the home front, I have utterly immersed myself in the de-cluttering process. 4 of the 5 closets are completely done... and we've already started donating "gently used" clothes from both of us. (I also think we have single handedly filled our condo's Dumpster!) We're also getting rid of a bunch of older sheets and towels, and will be donating those to an animal shelter for poor little ones that need a comfy place to heal. :)
This de-cluttering has been extremely good for both of us... it did dredge up some memories of course, but there's such a sense of accomplishment. Now if we can keep it on a maintenance level we'll be doing GREAT!
This coming Wednesday is our three year anniversary. I cant believe it's been three years already.. seems like just yesterday we were getting engaged...and planning our wonderful wedding. I think - no I KNOW- that this process of adoption will be the next chapter in our lives together.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
First blog
Well to bring you up to speed about who we are and what we're doing here.....
In 1993 I lost the ability to have children naturally owing to having to have a hysterectomy. I went through all the emotions one might expect... anger, grief, and so on... and over the years had come to terms with the fact that I wouldnt be a mom. But I had lots to fill that maternal gene... friends and families gladly and willingly shared their little ones with me, a fact for which I am profoundly grateful. Yet even in that joy of welcoming new arrivals into the world, there was always a twinge of regret, of sadness.
Fast forward - I got engaged, and then married the most wonderful guy who knew about my past and said it never bothered him. Due to his mother's untimely passing, we inherited her dog and I became a doggie mama. That too partially filled a void, for here was this little dog who needed nuturing and love and gave it all back unconditionally. There's true responsibility in being a "doggie parent" - they must be fed, walked, looked after, taken care of when they are sick, and so on. But somehow, I still felt empty, even after doggie kisses.
We considered surrogacy, but it never seemed to fit... either I had concerns about the women who offered to carry a child, or finances got in the way, all sorts of things. Having kept my ovaries, I had a test which was extremely invasive to test if my ovaries were still in fact viable, which I was told they probably were, but i would have to undergo fertility treatments... which to me seemed extremely ironic, and also seemed a slap in the face.
Recently, I watched Extreme Makeover... an episode which featured a couple who adopted 7 children from China, all of whom had some sort of infirmity - deaf, blind, handicaps, and so forth. This couple managed with one part time income and one disability income to bring 7 children unwanted by anyone to America for a chance at a better life. And they did it in a 4 bedroom, one bathroom house. It was, as are all the episodes, designed to tug at the heartstrings, but it resonated particularly deep with me. I thought "If they can do this, why not us?" given that we have a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom home.
So that brought me to adoption.
I found an agency here in MA that placed children through the state, for which there were no fees. Rob and I had several very long talks about expectations, limitations, finances, fears, hopes, and dreams. And so, we started the journey.
I spoke with the local DCF and received a packet with lots of information, and an application. With trembling hands, I filled out the application, and was told that the next step would be a call from a social worker, and setting up MAP classes, and a home study. "My work is really cut out for me now!" I thought.
There are some potential "stumbling blocks" with regards to the application, but I'm not going to go into that here, as it is private family "skeletons" and really not appropriate for the world at large.
I will say that it's been motivating in that I am an admitted pack rat, and de-cluttering is long overdue. If there is the potential of someone coming to observe our home, it damn well better be clean! :)
I also find it extremely ironic that an immigrant who doesnt speak English can come to this country, have babies, get state/Federal assistance, and go about their way has not one roadblock in becoming a parent....yet I, an educated US citizen, has to go to classes for parenting. (Does that paint me as a bitter woman?)
In 1993 I lost the ability to have children naturally owing to having to have a hysterectomy. I went through all the emotions one might expect... anger, grief, and so on... and over the years had come to terms with the fact that I wouldnt be a mom. But I had lots to fill that maternal gene... friends and families gladly and willingly shared their little ones with me, a fact for which I am profoundly grateful. Yet even in that joy of welcoming new arrivals into the world, there was always a twinge of regret, of sadness.
Fast forward - I got engaged, and then married the most wonderful guy who knew about my past and said it never bothered him. Due to his mother's untimely passing, we inherited her dog and I became a doggie mama. That too partially filled a void, for here was this little dog who needed nuturing and love and gave it all back unconditionally. There's true responsibility in being a "doggie parent" - they must be fed, walked, looked after, taken care of when they are sick, and so on. But somehow, I still felt empty, even after doggie kisses.
We considered surrogacy, but it never seemed to fit... either I had concerns about the women who offered to carry a child, or finances got in the way, all sorts of things. Having kept my ovaries, I had a test which was extremely invasive to test if my ovaries were still in fact viable, which I was told they probably were, but i would have to undergo fertility treatments... which to me seemed extremely ironic, and also seemed a slap in the face.
Recently, I watched Extreme Makeover... an episode which featured a couple who adopted 7 children from China, all of whom had some sort of infirmity - deaf, blind, handicaps, and so forth. This couple managed with one part time income and one disability income to bring 7 children unwanted by anyone to America for a chance at a better life. And they did it in a 4 bedroom, one bathroom house. It was, as are all the episodes, designed to tug at the heartstrings, but it resonated particularly deep with me. I thought "If they can do this, why not us?" given that we have a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom home.
So that brought me to adoption.
I found an agency here in MA that placed children through the state, for which there were no fees. Rob and I had several very long talks about expectations, limitations, finances, fears, hopes, and dreams. And so, we started the journey.
I spoke with the local DCF and received a packet with lots of information, and an application. With trembling hands, I filled out the application, and was told that the next step would be a call from a social worker, and setting up MAP classes, and a home study. "My work is really cut out for me now!" I thought.
There are some potential "stumbling blocks" with regards to the application, but I'm not going to go into that here, as it is private family "skeletons" and really not appropriate for the world at large.
I will say that it's been motivating in that I am an admitted pack rat, and de-cluttering is long overdue. If there is the potential of someone coming to observe our home, it damn well better be clean! :)
I also find it extremely ironic that an immigrant who doesnt speak English can come to this country, have babies, get state/Federal assistance, and go about their way has not one roadblock in becoming a parent....yet I, an educated US citizen, has to go to classes for parenting. (Does that paint me as a bitter woman?)
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